precarioussanity:

utmostidiocy:

A baby’s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it’s 3am. And you’re home alone. And you don’t have a baby.

I read this post and thought “haha yeah that would be scary” and then heard a baby laughing and FREAKED OUT AND ALMOST STARTED CRYING. I WAS SO FUCKING SCARED.

I FORGOT I HAVE A ONE YEAR OLD.

lonelytreestump:

My girlfriend sneezed and I accidentally said shut the fuck up instead of saying bless you

keatchi:

itssofluffy-im-gonna-die:

h4te:

i want to go on a shopping trip where i am the only one in the shopping mall and everything i want is free

that’s called night robbery 

so be it

alieniverson:

oh no a boy doesnt like my apperance whatever will i do

nerdjpg:

phobias:

why you should date me; i’m 6’6 so if we go to concerts you can ride on my shoulders and see everything 

if i was standing behind you and you were already tall to begin with and then you put someone on your shoulders i would KICK YOU IN THE SACK

masooonderulo:

things that should not concern u:
- the length of a woman’s skirt
- the tightness of a woman’s top
- how many people a woman has slept with

things that should concern u:
- america’s gun laws
- that u haven’t petted enough dogs today
- harry potter named a kid albus severus

teenscoolest:

why cant i cry money instead of tears

whatokay:

i love kissing so much how it can be soft and romantic or hard and passionate or lazy and sleepy or affectionate and then it’s like you like the person and they like you because you are kissing and it’s just you two and you can close your eyes and there will be nothing in the world except that

raptorific:

Swear to god, some guys are terrified that girls are faking common interests to impress them and act really hostile towards anyone they even SUSPECT of doing such a thing

but then they turn around and fake a whole friendship in the hopes of getting sex out of girls, and get mad at them when it doesn’t work

and they super do not see the irony in that

bewwbs:

how to get girls to like you:

  1. compliment their eyebrows
  2. eat them out

officialannakendrick:

could you please put your crying kid on vibrate

putuporshuttup:

if you can pull off a beanie you can pull off my pants