shutupaubrey:

are you a dog? no ? goodbye

buttlicked:

PE doesn’t stand for physical education. it stands for public embarrassment 

shrineart:

quietzombiegirl:

everyone’s grandparents seem to have really cute stories of how they met, and like my grandparents met when my grandma was running away from police during a protest and she jumped on the back of my grandads motorcycle and just screamed “DRIVE FUCKING DRIVE”

I dunno man I think that story’s pretty fuckin cute.

auroraskywalker:

I love bad bitches, that’s my fuckin problem

auroraskywalker:

I love bad bitches, that’s my fuckin problem

emiello:

Pros of dating me

  • i’m rly soft and squishy
  • i’ll make you hot beverages in bed
  • i’m good at compliments
  • you’ll gain lots of dorky pet names

Cons of dating me

  • ummm??
  • zero i am a god

chillaxemurderer:

sometimes im hungry and other times im asleep

teamrocketing:

how do you get a stranger in public to fall in love with you

helloradness:

Girls are told to be skinny but not too skinny and to wear makeup but not so much that guys can tell and to dress in revealing clothes but not too revealing or else you’re a slut and a hundred other contradictory standards so I think guys can deal with being made fun of for wearing fedoras

ceyfe:

iethal:

i wish we had 2 lives because i feel like i have 2 different personalities that want to shine through like one of me wants to be classy and drink wine with meals and go to brunch with other classy people and be part of a hierarchy and another part of me wants to go out and get my body covered in tattoos and drink cheap beer in a run down flat with a bunch of junkies and both sound a lot of fun

!!!!!!!!

watdawut:

Not in my neighborhood

bettycrockerdile:

i had a pun about insanity but then i lost it

ghore:

I’m on a new diet called don’t fucking look at me

whatiscapitalism:

are you allowed to go to starbucks if you don’t have an instagram account

dyingsoulheavyheart:

❇ a lost wanderer ❇

dyingsoulheavyheart:

❇ a lost wanderer ❇

suchacard:

beautilation:

X-ray image of a pregnant cat with six kittens.

Yknow how sometimes life is just so cool you can’t even believe that things work

suchacard:

beautilation:

X-ray image of a pregnant cat with six kittens.

Yknow how sometimes life is just so cool you can’t even believe that things work