what if rocks are actually soft but just tense up when we touch them?
How stoned are you right now?
Was that a fucking pun?
HA so these guys in the library were joking around and one is like “So when’s our date?” and they started discussing when and where and what. Then they hugged really hard and slowly pulled apart and just kind of stopped a second and the other was like “… you really gonna take me on a date?” and the first guy is like, “Uh… yeah, man I’ll take you on a date.” AND THE SECOND GUY SEEMED SO EXCITED GUYS I THINK I JUST WITNESSED THE BEGINNING OF SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL
if you start kissing my neck there’s a 169% chance i’m going to rip your clothes off
In case you still don’t understand how badly women have had it, when anaesthetic was first invented doctors weren’t allowed to give it to women who were giving birth because the church said that the pain of childbirth was God punishing women for not being men
Call me selfish but I don’t want you to meet somebody that makes you forget about me.
third wheeling two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple
dont u dare treat ur animals like shit in front of me i will end ur life son
I’m a teenager why does my back hurt I’m not 70 years old
*Mom voice* it’s that damn computer again
|—||It took me 9 years to figure that out (via ivoryunknown)|
my mom doesn’t even text me back
tHERES A SKELETON INSIDE MY BODY RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD